he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
