dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
