nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
