I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
