There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
