Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
