Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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