If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
