God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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