Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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