Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
