dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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