I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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