Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
