Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
