It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
