dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
