so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
