How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
