She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
