He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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