No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
