It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
