You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
