He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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