oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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