How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
