Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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