and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
jump out the window naked night went bad
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