I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
