my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
