I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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