ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
