Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
