I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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