I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
