Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
