Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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