My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
