I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
