I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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