On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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