Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How external is "for external use only"?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
