i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
