You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
