meet me or not, i'm out of control
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
