Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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