So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
