my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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