I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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