im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
