i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
