guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
