You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
