If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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