You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
