hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
