YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
