I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
